It might be the end of February, but I’m still talking about love! This week, I sat down with marriage coach, Yana Gil De Montes to talk about how we can show up better in our interpersonal relationships.
What I learned, and what I found so interesting is that there are so many similarities between the relationship we have with ourselves and the relationships we have with our partners.
In general, the two biggest takeaways Yana has from her work:
- Anything is possible when you put the work in.
- The hard work starts with taking ownership of the reality of your relationship.
In Yana’s 10-week coaching program, the first thing she does is guide women to be conscious of their thoughts around their marriage by applying the following steps:
- Acknowledge the thoughts you have about your marriage.
- Ask: What are these thoughts? Are they complaints? (They usually are!)
- How can I take control of these thoughts and shift them to be more positive?
The relationships start with you. If a person wants to make changes, they have to look inward first at their thoughts.
One of the biggest obstacles the women Yana coaches tackle in their work is what Yana calls “The Big Lie.”
As a culture, Yana says we have this inherited belief that our relationship is never really going to work out. We watch the beautiful movies, and we hope it turns out like that, but in reality, at the first sign of being disappointed, we start searching for proof that our relationship isn’t going to work.
That’s where the genius of Yana’s coaching comes in.
She coaches women on how to shift the complaints they have about their relationships and their partners to what is actually working. The first step is to acknowledge your partner for what is working instead of what’s not.
Yana gave the example:
Your husband goes and get’s your car washed. Communicate to him how much you appreciate that he did that. Then request other forms of support that you need (i.e. getting your laundry done, doing the dishes, etc).
So once again, reframe complaints to communicate appreciation of what’s working. Come from a place of appreciation, and of love and then make a request of your partner. Yana says this approach is a gamer changer.
As much as I love talking about love :), in March, we will be moving onto money matters.
If you want to talk more about love or how anything social media marketing, let’s set up a time to chat!